Story Time

Today I was going to write a book post. I was going to tell you everything I like about a certain book, and why you should run out and buy said book right away. I was going to post lovely pictures of the book with its beautiful dust jacket.

(DISCLAIMER: I am not writing this to hurt anyone. This is a past story and it has been almost 2 years since it happened. Life is Better Now)

Plans change. I have a story stuck in my head that I think you should hear.
So for all of you lovely people, today is…..wait for it…

#WednesdayMotivational

A little over a year and a half ago, I went through a really tough life changing period in my life. It was the week after Canada Day, and everything in my life crumbled at my feet.

Alcohol was involved, Cops were involved. Now before I go any further, no I wasn’t drunk, no I didn’t fight someone in a club, or anything like that. It was supposed to be a fun time though. The Grandparents had taken the 3 kids for the summer, so I was free to do as I pleased.

I wont get into detail as too what happened that night, or name names, but it was just a pivotal moment in my life, and after that everything changed. I do not write this to make anyone feel bad for what happened.

The aftermath of that night is still fresh in my memory though. As I said, the children were away with the Grandparents, and I was left alone in a big house. Left to my own brain to rerun everything that had transpired. I spent the next 7 days waiting for a doctors appointment. 7 days, at 24 hours a day, equals 168 hours I spent awake.
I wasn’t scared or terrified, but I just couldn’t shut my brain off to go to sleep. Netflix and smoking became my best friend. Energy Drinks and Pepsi were my go to drink, and I barely ate anything. I binge watched the heck out of Grace and Frankie, and movies in between.

I think this was the lowest point in my life because I truly felt I had no one around me close by to talk to or help get me through this. I was completely and utterly alone in my mind. My family was a 7 hour drive away, and the very few people I did know in this town were busy with their own lives, and I felt like I would have been bothering them anyways with my own problems.

So I stayed awake, and I thought, and I cried. Not the quiet sob, or silent tears streaming down my face. I ugly cried. I bawled my eyes out until they were red and sore, and my chest felt like it would cave in at any moment.

When I was able to gather myself together, I would just leave the house to walk to the store for smokes, or more energy drinks or Pepsi. I know that was probably all contributing factors to my staying awake, but in that moment I didn’t care. The outside world was a blur. Nothing in that time mattered.

I finally got to see my doctor that Thursday, and ended up being prescribed something to help me get some sleep. I spent the next 24 hours in bed in and out of glorious slumber. I felt refreshed enough after that to gather myself up and hold my head high again and carry on.

Carry on I did!

In the weeks following that event, I moved out of that town and closer to my family, so close that I live with them now, and things have never been better. They help me with the kids, and I am able to focus more on working on blogs and writing.

The whole long lengthy point of me telling you this story is so that if you can take anything away from it, I would want you to know that in a moment of your deepest despair, no matter how bad or ugly things are getting in your moment, it will get better. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, but the sun will shine again, and you will come out on the other side like the true warrior you are.

You Will Survive This!

It took me a long while after to realize, one of the hardest moments in my life was also one of the best because if it didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be as content and happy with my life and the path I am headed on now.

I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday, and that this week is good to you.

Keep Striving for Greatness.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Wednesday Wisdom! I’m back!

First off I need to apologize for my little hiatus I’ve taken for the past couple weeks. Life threw me for a loop and knocked me down.

Now I am back fiercer than ever and with a clearer vision of where I want to to from here.

Self doubt creeped in and reared its ugly head once again, and my mind became a dark place where every bad thought took over and I lost belief in what I could and will accomplish.

Once in a while life i gonna throw a curve at you or knock you down completely. The main point that you need to take away from all of this is;

It’s ok to fall down,

It’s ok to fail,

It’s ok to get knocked down,

But please get back up, come back stronger than ever before. Show the world that you won’t stay down.

You Are Loved.

Wednesday Wisdom

If you don’t like where you are in this stage in your life….

Then change it. You aren’t a tree. You are not stuck to one space.

I find when I get stuck on what to do next.. I just get up from where I am sitting, step outside and breathe some fresh air and it helps clear my head and refocus on the next task I am going to undertake.

So if you are pacing the floor, don’t know what to do, trying to find a new challenge….

Go for a walk, even if its to another room in the house. Turn on some music, jump around, dance!

The ideas will come. They are there in your head waiting to be grabbed hold of and brought to the light. Turn the dream into a goal, and send it forth for the world to see.

So what if some people don’t like it. I am sure there will be people out there who will.

Side note: Do not let anyone stand in your way. Do not let them hold you back.

You were born to shine!

So go shine on!!!!!!!

The Mom Voice

This Monday morning has been a bless and a curse.

The kids went off to school fine, but my nerves are worse than if it was the first day of kindergarten.

For future reference I refer to my children on social media as 1,2 and 3.

A little back story, 2 and 3 have had to get a hug,kiss, and high five from me as part of their routine everyday in school last year. It is what calmed their anxiety and got them ready to face the day in school. Now they needed to do this about 3 times before I left them at the school. Comforting for them, nerve wrecking for me. I would love to be the parent that just drops them off outside and rushed off to my day, but unfortunately that is not the case. For whatever reasons their separation anxiety piqued last year in the new school, and it as that way all year.

Fast forward to this year, where I spent the last two weeks of summer vacation explaining to them that I can only give the hug,kiss,and high five once and then they would have to go on. Their merry ways and I would be outside the school waiting for them at the end of the day.

So this morning, I dropped 2 and 3 off at school and their father dropped 1 off at the middle school. 3 went on to her classroom fine. Now, this is the first time 2 has had to go upstairs in the school and find his way to his classroom on his own. He also had to wade through a whole hallway of new kindergarteners and their parents. 2 was a little tears eyed as he walked away from me, but he held his head high and disappeared into the crowd.

This is where my mom nerves kick in. I don’t know if he got upstairs, I don’t know if he found his locker, and I certainly don’t know if he is ok in his classroom right now. I did the exact thing I said I wouldn’t o this morning and I stood and waited there for 5 mins, while no kid came back to me.

Now I know a lot of you may think I am crazy, and I am sure everything will be fine and he will come out of the school fine this afternoon.

BUT…. The little mom voice is sitting in the corner in the back of my head, wondering all day if he is ok. Another side note, 2 is also in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD or something else. Last year he threw tantrum after tantrum about being afraid of going to school, not wanting to go on the bus, and has gone so far as to hide under the bed crying because I was being a horrible mom trying to make him go to school.

The school as been so helpful this past year, helping me get him into the routine of being left in school, even if it did take a whole month of me dropping him off crying in the office and sneaking away. Those days were long and agonizing, because I would leave him there crying, after a morning off struggling, and then he would have a great day in school, and come home happy go lucky.

So, this is why I have the fears I have this year. This is only his second day in school, and last Friday I was able to take him up to his classroom, and help him find his locker.

Now I will putter around the house and make myself busy to keep my mind off it until it is time to pick him up the afternoon, where he will be fine, and he will tell me all about his day, and I will be so proud of him.

That is my mom rant for today. Expect another post tomorrow 🙂

UPDATE: Everything went fine, and my mom nerves were unfounded. They all had a great day.